playing catch up (already)

I started writing a few posts before I (or, I should say J) came up with the title. So here it is...

March 24, 2009

Yesterday was not too bad…, but what does that say about me? Madison was terrified. She had every right to be. She fought. She screamed. She asked several times for just one more kiss, which I gladly gave. She asked to give her daddy one more kiss (that was her way out, dad was standing guard, just out side the door). We tried to reason with her, but how do you reason with a 4 year old that is scared out of her mind. Eventually, we held her down and the mask was forced over her face. It doesn’t take long, once the mask is on. Maybe 30 seconds total. The room, Madison, went from tense and loud to quiet and she looked peaceful. I’m sure those 30 seconds, for Madison felt like a lifetime. I hate that she was so scared. I hate that she has had to go through this more times then I want to try to remember. I hate that for now, there is no end in sight. Madison has Brain Cancer, a Grade 3 Astrocytoma in her spinal cord. An end to these scans; the scans that tell us that she is healthily and cancer free, I’m not sure if that is in the cards for us anytime soon. But, we will gladly fight this battle every 6 months to be told that our beautifully feisty 4-year-old daughter is still cancer free.

And now, I wait. This is the hardest part for me. Her dad and I glanced at the CD that we are able to take with us. He says the scans are clear and that she is fine. I hope that he is right. I want to say I know he is right, I looked at the scans too and from what we were taught in our crash course of reading MRI’s I didn’t see anything that would make me worry. I also did not spend 8 years in medical school and honestly, I don’t really fully understand the scans until Dr M and Dr E are looking at them with me, patiently answering my questions and pointing everything out. Madison and I have an appointment April 7 to have this scan read by her medical team. 2 weeks from today, that is a lifetime for me. I just want to know that my baby is ok so I can feel like I can get back to our lives, for another 6 months.

After Madison’s scan yesterday, I was able to take her to Build a Bear. She got an adorable lamb that she outfitted in a cute pink floral dress and princess sparkly glass (or clear plastic) slippers. (That is what Madison wants to wear everyday, a dress or skirt, pink, and princess slippers. She is our little princess.) We shared pepperoni pizza and pink lemonade for lunch. We stopped in the Lego store to let her play and ended up getting a bucket of individually selected Lego’s, lots of pink little pieces. She was so excited for daddy to come home from work to play Lego’s with her. We were also lured into Sketchers by the super cute, pink and purple (Madison’s favorite colors) tennis shoes. They were perfect for our special trip that we will be taking in April. There will be plenty of walking involved and her flip-flops or princess slippers will not be the best choice of footwear.

So, like I said, the day was not too bad… for me. Any (or every) day I can spend with her is a good day.

March 25, 2009

It’s going to be a long day. I can already tell. I took the boys to school; we were there at 8am, which has been a struggle for me, but just in time for Austin to miss raising the flag, bummer. Then I came to work and hung out until 10am, that was 1½ hour of wasted time. And now it only 10:33 and I will be here until 7pm. Hopefully I will get some work done. I’ve been so distracted. (Funny, I was just talking to my older sister about my son being easily distracted; don’t have to wonder who he gets that from.) Ok, so 2 audits done and it is 10:52am, how times flies.

Some exciting news, last night I received a call from Megan with Make a Wish. I found out that we will be staying in a villa at Give Kids the World, a mini resort for Make a Wish (and other foundations) kids, kids with life threatening illnesses. (It’s still hard to think my daughter qualifies for this, she is amazingly perfect, a completely normal 4 year old, no noticeable side effects from her 2 tumor resections and super quick recoveries, she still has her beautiful blonde hair even after 11 months of chemotherapy and 6 weeks of radiation. She was never sick from all this – we are so lucky. Lucky? Yes, I mean lucky. Madison is a gift; she has taught me to appreciate life and the crazy little things that come along with it. She has proved to me over and over that there really are miracles.) Anyway, the villas, they look adorable, a comfortable home away from home for the week that we will be in FL. Several of our days will be spent at Disney World, then Sea World, or Epcot, or Universal Studios… and there are so many other options, like the Kennedy Space Center that I think the boys would really like that. We will just have to see where our days take us. I’m so excited for this time with our family. I’m excited to take the kids away from everyday life and give them a chance to enjoy just being kids, and for their dad and I to have time to focus on each one of them. We are in the process of scheduling our farewell dinner with our Make a Wish friends, it is looking like it will be the week before we leave for Disney. I have decided to let Megan and Christi tell the kids about our trip, partly for my sanity (I don’t want to field questions for the next 3 weeks), but mostly because they have been so patient with me and my changing my mind several times through out this process. They deserve the credit.


Also last night, Austin brought home a packet from school that needed to be signed. It’s science fair time! I remember being in 6th grade, just like Austin, and getting the science fair packet. I was so excited. I hope he is too. I hope he has fun with whatever project he decides to do. School hasn’t been his strong point this year. I think it has a lot to do with his teacher, she is a difficult teacher. Austin really likes her though; it’s me that struggles. Maybe I don’t like being told my son isn’t perfect. Anyway, I hope the science fair and the project helps bring some fun back to learning for him.

I promise next time I will not be so long winded, also I will have pictures ready to post.