TODAY

I read several blogs, they are kinda, ok really, addicting. Usually they are an entertaining look into other moms lives, a fun way to pass time when work is slow.

Today they make me insanely jealous.

Today, well everyday but today more then usual, I want to be a stay at home mom.

Today I miss my baby girl, terribly.

Today I want to pick my boys up from school, hear all about their day, have time to help with their homework and not feel like there are a million other things that need to be done around our messy house.

Today I want to learn to cook the amazing meals that I read about today, with fresh fruits and vegetable from their own gardens. For my kids to eat something besides frozen, store bought meals. (And, I want a reason to wear this adorable apron I saw on the anthropology website.)

Today I want to go for a run, I miss running. I feel like I don’t have time until after the kids are in bed and that is around 9pm and that is just too late to run outside, alone, in the crazy world we live in. Also, after I get the kids to bed I should be cleaning and doing laundry.

Today I want to more of a girly girl. I want to be excited that JCrew has their new spring line out. I want not to feel like such a bum in my Kohl’s jeans and faded navy blue t-shirt, no make-up and un-styled hair – yep I went to work just like that.

Today I want a passion, something that I love. I enjoy taking pictures; I’m not great at it. I have taken one class with AZ Highways and understood the concepts, but I have not been able to apply them, maybe I really just don’t have a passion for photography.

Today I would like takes bits and pieces from these moms’ lives and make them my own.

Instead, I will get home at 7:30 tonight, give Madison a bath, sign a homework slip, and start the bedtime routine. That will take about an hour or so; it will be 9pm before I know it. J and I will watch one of our many DVR’d shows and it will be time for bed, to end another day. Hopefully I will be able to squeeze in a load of laundry and maybe get the kitchen picked up, who knows.

I don’t want anyone to misunderstand, I have a good life.

I have 2 wonderful children of my own, and a stepson of J’s,

I have a job – and although I don’t always enjoy going to work, it’s a good job,

And although I don’t see them as often as I can/should/want to, my entire immediate family lives close by, they are here when I need them.

It’s just days, like today, I guess I’m not as grateful as I should be, I want more, but who doesn’t. Am I wrong? I think sometimes it ok to want more. I hope that it will push me to start to make small changes to better my, J's, and my children’s lives.