3 minutes

Madison went to the ENT today. She has had a rotting smell coming from her mouth/nose. We have been to the dentist, and had her MRI and everything there was great. However her MRI was of her spine and did not cover her head, so we were not able to see her sinus or anything in the head. Her neurosurgeon suggested we take Madison to an ENT. ENT - Dr A checked Madison out, and took a complete medical history, and said that he would feel better having a CT (glad he didn't say "to rule some things out" - those words, over 5 years later, still sting). It took insurance about an hour to approve the CT because Madison just had a scan and they felt another round of antibotics would do. With a little (or a lot) of convincing from Dr A's staff, her CT was approved and was done there in the office. Madison did great. And the results... 3 minute pause, 3 minutes of silence while Dr A scrolled thru her scans, 3 minutes is a really long time. Try it, watch your computer clock tick away 3 minutes. That is what I did. I couldn't bring my self to look at scans I know nothing about. So I watch the clock tick away 3 minutes. It felt like a lifetime. Then Dr A said NED - no evidence of disease, no tumors, no cancer. I cried happy tears. I wasn't prepared, going into this appointment, for the threat of cancer to be so prominent. I hate that this is our, wait that is selfish, this is her life. I'm so happy that the CT today and her MRI on December 8th were NED, but over 5 years later I still worry about everything. It's really hard. I want to not have to worry about one day hearing the words your daughter has cancer again. I don't want to ever worry about Madison not being a part of our life. If this is her last (fill in the blank - birthday, christmas...). She is amazing, beautiful, smart... I could go on and on, little girl. I love her so much. I want her to have a normal, beautiful, long life.