Happy Memorial Day

Thank you to all the men and women that have served, are serving, or will be serving our country. You are forever in our thoughts and prayers.

toothless

Madison lost her second tooth

Thursday May 27

Right before dinner

Which was hamburgers and hotdogs, and corn on the cob – her favorite.

Tough to eat when one is toothless

But she made it work.

And thanks to my Kodak Play we can all squirm thru, I mean watch J extracting said tooth. GAG!!! Enjoy…

Terrified

I started this post, mentally last year, actually writing it May 28, months before school starts. Sitting at my desk at work with tears streaming down my cheeks.

I’ll start with saying that I do have an older (handsome, smart, funny…) son that is already in school, Jr. High; yes he survived, and yes he is happy. I understand the logic. But that does not make this any easier. I am terrified of the idea that Madison will be starting school this year.

I have thousands of reason. Some sane and lots of insane mommy reason - like, she just needs me (or maybe it’s I just need her). I don’t want her to be scared or frustrated or hurt or sad or… I think you get it. I think she got a pretty crappy start in this world and deserves nothing but happiness now and forever (remember I said insane mommy reasoning).

I know she will love being in school. She wants nothing more then to make lots of friends. She will be happy (and maybe sad, scared, frustrated… and that she will be ok). I know she is waiting to soak everything in. I know all of this. I’m still terrified.

I didn’t want her to start out being labeled, you know the “sick kid”, or the “cancer kid” she has been cancer free for 3 ½ years. J and talked about not even saying anything to the school since she was released medically with no school restrictions. I agreed, until I went in the gymnasium during the tour of the school, and one of the gym walls is a rock wall. Yep, a 4-5 foot high rock wall. I spilled. She is labeled. She will have restriction placed by mom – no harness free rock wall climbing. Let me explain, the cancer is not my biggest concern anymore. My concern is the hole the cancer left in my daughter spinal cord (c1 – t2 for the medical types out there). This hole promised to put my daughter in a wheel chair twice, both of her tumor resections. This hole promised additional surgeries including removing 2 of my daughter’s ribs to fuse to the vertebrae to assist in holding her head up. This hole cause Madison’s neurosurgeon to be amazed every 6 months that she is still holding her head up on her own. So yes, this hole forces this mom take some extra precautions to make sure Madison is safe. I won’t be there to protect her.

I am scared that she will get hurt. I’m scared that she will have her feelings hurt. I’m scared that she will be scared.

Remember me?

Terrified.

WAR

Yesterday, there was a small war going on between Madison and the Boys. A war of the signs. It started with the boys closing the door, in Madison’s face, and not letting her in their room. So the brilliant mom that I am had Madison get a pen and piece of paper and her create this…



Translation, for those that do not speak/read Madison – NO BrOtHErS ALLOWEd. And a picture of mean scary mom, because, she told me, sometime I am mean. She felt better. Better, until she saw the Boys retaliation sign…

NO 5 YEAR OLDS ALLOWED IN DIS (yes it said dis) ROOM. She was crushed. She told me her day was ruined and that she had the meanest brothers in the whole world. I gave her lots hugs and kisses and tried to explain that her brothers must have thought her sign was cool to make one for their door. She was still crushed.

Maybe 15 minutes later, she has me follow her to look at “something”. I followed her back to her brothers’ closed do to find that she had crossed off the 5 on the Boys sign and fixed it with a 12 (the age of both Boys). She was so please with herself. She opened the door to let the boys know that they were not allowed in their room anymore, and walked away satisfied.

I had to go to work, but I heard the war is continuing while I am away. I couldn’t wait to get home and see the newest creations. I had been texted that Madison’s includes that she is 5 years old and that she is a princess, both completely true. I don’t know if the Boys are still tormenting Madison playing along or not.

Edit: I came home to several new signs. My favorite: REMEMBER I AM ONLY 5 YRS OLD. I say that to her brothers all the time.

Mother's Day

For Mother's Day this year J and the kids got me a Kodak Play Sport. I love it. I love the videos of the kids. I love that we can take it in the pool. I hoping this summer I will get videos of Madison learning to swim. I hoping Austin warms up to having videos made of him.

One of the best things have been Madison "sneaking" it to her room and make videos were no one is watching her. Her real thoughts. I love going thru the videos and find her singing, or talking about her day. J has warned me several times that if she drops it I won't be able to take it to the pool because it could break the seals. After finding this (posted below) video I told him it is worth the risk. She can "sneak" the camera when ever she wants.
I cried watching this one.

Family Pictures

Griffin Grand Kids