16 days

just 16 days

It is not fair how fast the years go by

this was a good year, a really good year; so maybe that’s why it’s a little harder to let it go

maybe it because 5 is just too old, not a baby.

maybe it’s because 4 is awesome…

you are hilarious; you keep me and daddy laughing everyday with the crazy things you say.

you are loving; hugs, kisses, cuddles, squeezing in the middle, “family sandwich” (daddy promises to remind you of this at your sweet sixteen party), “I love you mommy” “I love you daddy”… all the time

you are sensitive, mommy and daddy have to watch how we word things and our tone with you, if we say something the wrong way, or just a little too harsh, it breaks your little heart.

you are thoughtful and kind, always willing to share anything you have, even if it’s the last one.

you are stubborn, so very stubborn. I hope you keep this. It has it good side and bad side, but it’s you, and we love it.

you are confident, you know you are a beautiful and talented little girl, another trait I hope you keep.

you have a love–fight relationship with your brothers, but mostly you love them and they love you too.

you love playing legos and paper dolls with mommy and daddy – you have so many rules, we have to do just as you do or just as you say. daddy is the blue doll, mommy is purple and you are pink - always. The dolls are triplets so they all have to dress the same, and you dictate what they wear. with legos, we have to build houses or beds for the paper dolls and again we have to follow your lead. It is so much fun playing with you.

you love to scrapbook with mommy, right now everything we make has to have a butterfly.

you don’t play with babies as much as you use to. right now it’s doesn’t seem you have a favorite thing to play, you are all over the place, one minute it’s legos, then paper dolls, then littlest pet shop, then painting, then computer or tv time… you don’t sit still or stay with one thing very long.

you still suck your thumb, not as often as before, mostly when you are tired or nervous, I haven’t really tried to break you of this habit, i’m hoping before kindergarten.

you still sleep with your bink, absolutely have to have it. I think you have only gone 2 nights in your almost 5 years with out it and they were both this year, and they were very hard nights.

you love fruit and veggies, healthy foods more then junk.

we went on your Make a Wish trip back in April and you are still talking about it, you had a blast (we all did). I was a great family trip. It was so fun watching you experience everything there

you can write most of your letters and some of you numbers, you can sound out/read short 3 letter words. mommy and daddy think you are just the smartest little girl

i know with each year we have something special to look forward to, I know that with 5 you will become more independent, that you have kindergarten to experience, that we will have more fun family trips, and maybe ballet lessons…

but I think I am going to hold on as tight I can to the next 16 days of 4.

i love you baby girl,

love, mom

fall

I love fall

I love Halloween

I love cooler weather

I love the "beautiful light" (this was mentions in a blog I love to read) the reflections, the light

I love sweaters and jeans and boots

I love trips to the pumpkin patch and to the zoo

Happy Fall

able to breathe

recovery, best with a water gun

I wanted to update with a quick post. Madison had her MRI Tuesday everything was, well, the same as any other MRI. She hates them, she is afraid of the mask, she is such a fighter, and this time she actually ran out of the room, straight to the safety of her dad and his steel toed shoes waiting just outside. She got her one more kiss this time, and lots of hugs. Then mean mom peeled her out of the safety of her dads arms back to the room with the really big scary machine, and all the doctors, the masks, and the stinky gas. Yeah, that’s mom’s job, my job. I hold her down, hold her hands, hold her face, whatever I can do to help the doctors get her to sleep. I choose to do this. I want her to know that she is not alone. I’m there when she (loosely put) falls asleep and there when she wakes up. I promise her this every time, that I will be there. I wouldn’t trade that. I think she really counts on her dad guarding the door, her security, her safe place, and me holding her, her hands, keeping promises. We take our jobs very seriously.

Anyway, I’m totally rambling. We got the results, quickly, usually we have to wait a week or so, her scans were quoting Dr M “normal”. That’s good! It means her scans were clear. Or… no tumor! nothing spreading! nothing growing! no cancer!

She is such a amazing, special little girl. I understand this more and more and I know it’s said way too often, but I know she’s a miracle. I was really scared this time. I almost lost faith. I don’t even know if almost if right, I think, for a minute I did. I’m glad all that can get push back were it belongs and we can focus on Fall, Halloween, cool weather, Madison 5th birthday, some really important things that are coming up.

Thanks again for all the positive thoughts and prayers.

waiting......

patiently waiting

with electronic entertainment

Madison has given me a few scares this past week, falling, fevers…. Well last night she gave her dad a scare too. Last night J and I were watching TV, all the kids were sleeping, about 11pm Madison got out of bed and fell to the ground crying. I asked her if she fell out of bed, she didn’t, I knew she didn’t. She was holding her head, telling me her head hurt. J and I decided that it was a good idea to get an MRI just so we can make sure everything is like it should be, to make sure that Madison’s cancer is not back – falling and headaches are not warning signs that should be ignored. It’s really hard to think that is a possibility. It really sucks to have to think about it. Today Madison had an appointment with Dr M (ped). She did a neruo check up. Madison did good, she followed directions, jumped on one foot… Dr M said that Madison did ok, nothing alarming, but that she was not up to speed with where other kids here age would be in some of the coordination tests. So she clumsy, not a huge surprise (right mom). And after a few hours of approval issues, Madison is scheduled for an MRI tomorrow morning at 9am. It is a STAT order so we should have the results sometime tomorrow. So tonight she is eating Wendy’s with her brothers – her request, she will relax, watch iCarly, and off to bed for a early morning tomorrow. I’ll keep you updated.

Prayers, positive thoughts, (however you want to put it) are always welcome.

Happy Birhtday Zac

yesterday was Zachary's birhtday, 12 years old now. Happy Birhtday Zac. So for his birthday, J and I gave him and Austin cell phones. (Zac will get the same thing Austin gets for his birthday too, lucky boys get to celebrate twice). Both the boys are thrilled and, as most of you know, have been calling and texting everyone all night last night and all day today. They are 2 very happy boys.
Madison on the other hand is very upset. She wants a phone too. We've tried to explain that she is only 4 and that she will just have to wait. But like I said we've tried... it's not really working and she is still mad. She says she never gets anything... ever. To continue to prove her point, I took the boys to Target today to pick up a couple things for school. One of them, a lock for their PE lockers. And the mean mom that I am would not let Madison get one too. (in my defense, i think she would hurt herself with it and am just trying to protect her). So not only is she mad that she doesn't get a phone, but now she can't have a lock. She is so deprived. (not really, I told her she could pick out a toy. She didn't want one, she wanted a cell phone and a lock.)
So other then that, school starts a week from Monday. J starts his new job the same day. It will take some getting used to but it will be a good thing once we get our schedules down. I have started shopping for my Christmas book, that has been a lot of fun. I have a ton of ideas, and with J's new schedule I will have some free nights to start getting things together.
well that is all for now, I'm slacking on updating pictures. Actually I am slacking on taking pictures. It's too hot to go outside and I'm almost never happy with the ones taken inside. I will work on it.

Christmas in July

Like I said before. I have Cristmas on the brain. Not sure if it is wishing for the cooler weather (I am so done with the 117 degree weather), or looking forward to all the fun family times. I have started looking for all the fun stuff to make on of these . I'm really excited. I love the idea of having this book to document the month of december, a book that I will make (oh the pressure). J even came up with a great title - A December to Remember. So the plan is to get shopping (i love scrap shopping), get everything together and ready so all I will have to do is put a page together each night in december. I have a list of ideas started - like baking, PCH Zoo day, the lights at the church, Mom's awesome cookie bar (totally stealing the recipe to scrap), 12 Days of Christmas (a family tradition since I was a kid), our trip to Greer (first time seeing snow for my 11 year old and my 4 year old)... I think I will have enough to keep me busy.

Wish me Luck

Scrappy Update

Yesterday I took a class called Love notes, a card making class at a local scrappy store. I had a blast, the instructor was awesome, the girls were so friendly, and oh so helpful (Thanks Pat, Erin and Kelli) I hope to take a class with them again. The theme of this class was Christmas in July. That was perfect for me, I have had Christmas on the brain for the past month. So I decide to try and post the card I worked so hard on. I have never scanned or posted scrappy stuff and I think the different dimensions are what make part of the scans blurry, but you should get the idea.

I love the fun, cute colors on this card













this is a super cute gift card holder - I was not
able to get a good scan of the middle,
maybe I will try taking a picture another time

















this is a fun simple card
I love the traditional Christmas designs and colors

this was the card the rest of the girls worked on
while they were waiting for me to catch up
I finished this today with Madison (she is a
scrapbooker in the making)

















I am so excited for the next cards class, I never knew how much fun it would be.
Next time I will update about the adorable kiddos - pictures and all

New Look

It was time for a new look. I need some motivation to start blogging again. I have so many problems with my computer freezing, I would just get frustrated and shut it down. Well I think everything is fixed and it's time to get going again. This summer has gone by so fast. The boys will be back in school in just a few weeks, Junior High. It's really hard for me to believe that Austin is going to Jr High. I still see him as my little boy.
Well before I press my luck with this thing, I am going to try to save this and I will update more on the summer, the school year to come, and some scrappy stuff I have done soon.

"ya" vs "yes"

Today I was visiting my parents, hanging out with the family for Father’s Day. My daughter was talking with my mom about the cool stuff she had brought to play with in her bag. In this conversation I hear my aunt saying “YES” several times, I realize that she is saying “yes” over my daughters “ya” answers to my mom. I am not a “yes maam, no sir” kind of mom. The first few times I didn’t say anything, finally told my aunt that it is not a big deal, that “ya” is acceptable. My aunt tells me that I am raising a disrespectful child. That is when I got mad. My daughter is far from disrespectful. And my aunt is thinking this just because my daughter answered “ya” and not “yes” REALLY? I know part of this is a culture difference, my aunt is visiting from the south and we are in the west. Anyway, angry words said between my aunt and I, I’m sure she thought I was not showing her respect, but I will always defend my children. I do not find my daughter disrespectful; I think she is a sweet little girl.

So here is my question. Do you make your kids answer “yes” and “no” or do you find “ya” and “na” acceptable?

(Don’t get me wrong, there are times that I prefer my kids answer “yes” and “no”, but I do not find them disrespectful if they don’t)

lucky one

I’m giving Madison a bath right now, actually right now conditioner is soaking in her chlorine dried out ends of her beautiful blonde hair, hopefully bringing back the smooth satin sheen back. And I am blogging just a few feet away. Listening to her play with her new Baby Mermaid Barbie bath toy. Funny story how she got that toy. Yesterday I called her on my way home from work. I told her I had to stop by Target to pick up something for daddy and I would be home soon. Madison said that I could pick something up for her too. I asked her “oh yeah, like what”. Madison told me “well mom, you know I like toys”. How could I say no to that? Anyway, she is in the bathroom laughing at the water spraying on her Barbie. I love to hear her laugh.

Well Madison is now sleeping soundly in her bed, I was blogging and she decided that she was ready to get out of the bath. So I took a bit of a break.

So, the reason for tonight’s post, while giving Madison a bath I asked her if she was my baby. She’s 4 and very much a big girl to everyone else, but will always be my baby. Tonight Madison said that she was still my baby, but not forever. My heart stopped, it’s always in the back of my head, she has brain cancer. I can’t shake the fears that come along with that, or the words that have been said to J and I, or my mom and I - those were the worst (that doctor will never see my daughter again, according to him she shouldn’t be here now so he lost his rights to watch her grow into this beautiful little girl, yes I’m still angry with him). So I asked her when she will stop being my baby. She said when she is 80 that she would not be my baby. 80? I’ve never allowed myself to think that far ahead. I’m still scan by scan, or every 6 months. I know she is a miracle. I never really expect the results to change but I fear they can. I wonder if she has some insight that everything is going to be ok, that we are one of the lucky ones. 80. I’m ok with that; she can be a big girl then.

Just Peachy

J and I took Madison and Austin to a local farm to pick peaches on Sunday. I had a good time. J was disappointed that they were out of peach pies. And the kids went back and forth, they got a few scratches that they were not too happy about. As we were leaving Madison told us that she didn't want to pick peaches again. Guess the farming life is not for her.

Madison at the farm

Austin at the Farm

Madison and Austin playing on the haystack

Madison climbing down the haystack

all by herself

Austin picking peaches

Madison picking peaches

Austin

Up until the scratches Madison was

having a blast hunting down peaches

It didn't take long for it to warm up
and it was time for us to head home

We'll see if the kids are interest in going back for plums and apples in 2 weeks.

My Wish List

So I started my “wish list” about a week or so ago and J surprised me with a granted wish so I thought I should post before anymore surprises come.

I will start with my granted wish - I would love to take my family camping (or as J calls it, cabining) again. We went 2 years ago and stayed in beautiful cabins up north in Greer. We were able to escape the heat for an extended weekend. We took the boy fishing for the first time, and let the girls play in the dirt, everyone hiked, and the weather was beautiful. It was lovely. I want to go back this summer. – And last night I found out this wish is being granted, kinda. J and I will be spending an extended weekend in December in Greer with his mom and dad, and possibly J's brother and sister and there family. So although we will not be escaping the crazy AZ heat in the summer, we will get to take the kids cabining (that’s really a word? No spell check error, there is a grammar issue with spell check though, funny) in the snow. That is a huge deal for us, I’m so excited. J and I thought is would be cool to give the kids a weekend in the snow, what a fun way to get away and enjoy our life (making memories – I can see J rolling his eyes before he even reads this).

I would still love to go this summer with my sisters and their families and my mom and dad. That will be tough. I’ll have to try to get some OT at work and save my pennies. I’ll work on it. How awesome would that be though – 2 times in one year? (I know I’m really easy to please, just get me out of the city and I one happy girl)

Warning – last Greer trip I took almost 1000 pictures in just 3 days, be prepared for tons of fun snow pictures.

Second, thru Make a Wish and Give Kids the World our family has free admission to hundreds for amusement parks and zoos for the next year. I would like to take the kids to Legoland and both San Diego Zoos before this expires. This is a possibility this summer. We will have to see how the money thing goes, I’m crossing my fingers.

Disneyland for Madison’s 5th birthday. My sister Alicia and her husband Scott, and my sister Melissa, and I took Austin and Logan (Melissa’s son) for their 5th birthdays. We had a blast and I would like to take Madison for her 5th birthday. (Yes, this would be just Madison and J and I. However, and yes I stole this idea from another blog I read, this year J and I have decided that for the kids birthdays instead for buying stuff, we are going to make memories. J would laugh if he heard it said that way, but he totally agreed that doing something cool is better then buying presents. So each of our kids will get one on one time with us for their birthdays, doing something they want to do.

Another granted wish, J and I have been waiting to here back from the Jr High that we had applied for a boundary exception for the boys. Today, J and I got a call that both Austin’s and Zac’s boundary exception has been granted – yeah. I’m really excited. From what I have read, it is a really good school. Hopefully it will be fun transition from charter school to public school. (I think the boys are more excited that there are no uniforms – me? not so excited about that)

And for something I know that I will be able to do, I want to get the Disney or other kids cookbooks and spend time cooking with the kids. I have never really learned how to cook. I can put a pizza in the oven, make mac and cheese, and even make a grilled cheese. But I never really learned how to cook. (I know, my poor kids are deprived). That might have a little to do with the fact that when I was in 6th grade, I dropped a pot holder in the oven taking out biscuits, it immediately caught fire burning my parents kitchen. I think I may have been banned from the kitchen. So, the kids and I will learn together, hopefully without and major disasters. I think it will be fun and a great way to spend time with them. So as we start making fun new meals I will post pictures of how fabulous everything turns out and how much fun we had in the process.

So that’s it for now. I will get to work planning my Greer trip, getting school stuff together for enrollment, and thinking of birthday ideas. I will keep you posted.

Madison got her cast off today

one last picture of Madison with her

pink sparkly cast

Madison had an xray of her elbow and

wrist to make sure she was ready

for her cast to come off.

Mortin - they warned me she was
going to be sore, that her muscles have
been on "holiday" and it would take a
while for the aches and pains to go away

Madison was a little afraid of the saw i covered her eyes and was able to talk her
through having both sides of her cast cut open

My photographer, Austin must have thought

the saw was cool, I have 20 or so pictures of this

Madison thought the special tool to open the

cast was pretty cool - this is the really stinky part,

she has been in this cast for 1 hot, sweaty month.

Madison remembered the cold sissors

from having her last cast removed

and off it comes

She's free

and swollen, and it took just a few seconds

and Madison was crying - her wrist (the sprain)

was hurting, so we sat in the waiting room for

20 minutes to give the Motrin time to work and see

if she would need a splint for her wrist

Madison decided she would tough it out

hopefully we do not have to make a trip back

to Dr H anytime soon

she's doing great, still favors her right

arm but we will keep an eye on her

I am blogging this while Madison is soaking in the bath, I promised I would let her soak as long as she wanted to, and she could take whatever bath toys she wanted.

Anything to get stink off her.

Dr H told us that Madison could go back to swimming lessons right away. I let her take today off, and she will rejoin her class next week, she is so excited

Well it's been a little over an hour and Madison is finally asking to get out of her bath,so off I go.

Austin's award

So Proud

This morning Austin got an award, his last award from elementary school. He was recognized for his pride and dedication and to our country. Austin as well as a small group of other 6th graders raise the flag each morning and lower and fold the flag each afternoon. It is really amazing to watch this, to watch these little kids with so much respect for our flag. They are very particular about every detail involved. Today I got to watch Austin and his friends hand the reins over to the new group of kids that will take over for them next year. I could tell it was hard for each of the older kids to let their job go. Each one would have to remind the others to let the new students do what they have done all year, something that they were very proud of.

Something that I am very proud of.

Last year Austin submitted an essay explaining what the Flag meant to him. The essay was optional, so for those that know Austin it must have been something that he felt strongly about or he would not have taken the time to do extra school work. I would love to have a copy of that essay but it is lost somewhere out there. Anyway, I did not find out about this until late last year when Austin told me that through his essay, he was selected to raise the flag in 6th grade. I was, I am so proud of him.

She's back home

Madison is back home from her trip to CA. Our home fills complete again.

I miss her already

Madison went with Grandma, Grandpa and Destinee to CA to celebrate her cousin Sandra’s 9th Birthday. Madison is still in her cute (really stinky) cast so she will not be able to go to the actual birthday party; it’s at one of the inflatable bounce house places. Being in a cast, that is not the best place for her. So, Grandma and Grandpa are going to take Madison shopping, then will meet everyone back at Aunt Kim and Uncle Aaron’s for cake and ice-cream. I’m sure she will have a blast playing with the Sandra and Alex and torturing poor Hayden. (Kim I told her to be nice to him. Hold her to that please.)
So as excited as I am that Madison is off having fun, I miss her already. I want to be the one to take her to see her cousin; I want to be with her. I ‘m not good at letting her go. But this crazy thing called work is keeping me here. And how selfish would it be for me to tell her that she couldn’t go with Grandma just because I would miss her too much? So she left yesterday and will be back Sunday sometime. 4 days. What will I do with myself? Clean, hang out with J and the boys and, well…, wait.

The California Kids:

Sandra

Alex

Hayden

Pink with Glitter

I want to post some pictures of Madison getting her pretty pink glittery cast, also a few from October 2006 when she got her first cast. Dr H did both. J and I asked if he though the 11 months of chemo may have affected her bones. 2 breaks in 2 years, both from simple falls, seems a bit too much. He said that it wasn’t out of the ordinary, that insurance would not see that as a reason to look into bone density. So we asked Dr E, her oncologist, and he said that there is nothing in her chemo research (all done on adults) that says it affects bone density and he just thinks it’s a fluke. FLUKE? So, J and I will be paying cash price, because with out a reason insurance will not cover the Dexascan. It should be sometime in August I think. I will update more as we get closer, her orthopedic said not to get the scan done until about 4 weeks after her cast comes off, that her bones would still be healing and would not give a correct reading.



Dr H putting on Madison 2nd pretty pink cast
2nd broken bone April 23 2009


getting the cast this time was not as bad,
but she still was a little worried
Daddy sat close by
He makes everything better


waiting for the cast to set

Lollipops make everything better

this is from October 02 2007 -

she did trust us that this appointment would not

be an ouchy appointment, just a cute pink cast

i love her pouty lips

Dr H always has lollipops for his

good little patients

my little princess

first broken bone was Sept 29 2007

look Ma, I can still suck my thumb

Better Late then Never - Easter 2009

Easter 2009

Madison woke J and I up pretty early, the Easter Bunny had come and the kids were ready to check out their Easter baskets, they know better then to start without me and my camera. After the baskets were open J and I had my family over for a small Easter Party. (Unfortunately my sister Alicia, her husband Scott, and their daughters Keira and Kailey were not able to make it. One of the twins was sick. And, J mom and dad were in South Africa on vacation and his brothers and sisters families don’t live close. We missed you guys). The kids colored eggs, we had an Easter Egg hunt, my sisters and I tortured the kids with our amateur photo shoot, and we had a nice simple lunch. Easter was also a friends daughters 4th birthday, so we decorated cupcakes and sang Happy Birthday to Kylee (Brittney, I know I am spelling that wrong, I will fix it as soon as I know the correct spelling). It was a nice day with the family. And now for a million pictures.

Madison

Madison with her Easter Basket

Zac with his Easter Basket

Austin with his Easter Basket

Madison in her Easter Dress

she picked this one out herself

at first I didn't really like it

it's coral (orange)

but she looks adorable

Madison

Madison

Madison, Ma, and Papa

Madison and Chloe

Logan

(told you I would use this one)

Logan Austin and Zac

I love Austin's crazy face

Logan, Austin and Zac

all the kids

I told you we tortured them

the sun was right in their eyes

the kids

the girls

girly silly faces

the boys

i love how loving these 2 are

the boys - Logan and his crazy faces

brother and sister

Austin Logan (making a crazy face) and Zac

the boys

Chloe and Madison

check out the princess shoes

Brittney and Kylee

My sister Melissa and her 2

Logan and Chloe

My sister Angie with her 2

Luke and Cameron

Brittney and Kylee

Chloe and Madison

ready to find eggs

Madison found one

she found another in the mailbox

Madison

Ma helping Madison and Austin look through

their eggs

Austin and Madison

Madison with the goodie bag

Brittney and Kylee brought

Madison waiting for her egg

Madison

My baby sister Angie

Luke

Cameron

Kylee and Brittney

Chloe

Kylee - Happy Birthday Princess